


My Broken Soul

by lafleurasexuee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Harry Potter, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gay Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23823598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafleurasexuee/pseuds/lafleurasexuee
Summary: Something’s not right with Draco Malfoy, and Harry is determined to help him, no matter how many times Draco tells him to stay away
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson & Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic!!! Pls be nice lol. Title is from Before I Go by American Authors, it just screams Draco to me. Trigger warnings are at the beginning of each chapter
> 
> Tw: abuse/assault, self-hatred, depression

_Keep your head down_.

  
He turned the corner into an empty hallway.

  
_Keep your head down, head down, head down, head down, head down, head-_

_  
_ “Oi! Death Eater!”

  
He tensed and picked up his pace.

  
“Don’t you run away from me!”

  
_Go faster, go faster, faster, faster, head down, faster, head down, faster, faster-_

_  
_ A pair of hands connected with his shoulder and he was slammed into the wall. Before he could regain his balance, a hand fisted his shirt and the other punched his face. He vaguely heard cheers of two or three people besides his assailant.

“I think we need to teach him a lesson, huh?” Approving cheers from his friends.  
“We can’t just let him walk around like he’s done nothing wrong, can we?” A chorus of no’s.  
“Alright, then. Let’s show this scum his place.” Cheers.

  
Draco was punched again and again and again. Someone shoved him to the ground and the punches turned into kicks. He curled up in a ball as much as he could and tried to wait it out.

  
“Hey! What’s going on here?”

  
Suddenly, the assaults stopped.

  
“Oh, nothing. Just teaching this Death Eater scum his place.”

  
“Get. Out.”

  
Draco flinched at the tone of the new person’s tone, preparing for a new attacker. Any second now, they’d start hurting him—

  
“Malfoy? Malfoy, hey, are you alright? Can you hear me? Malfoy, look at me.”

  
Draco groaned quietly and forced his eyes open to see none other than Harry Fucking Potter, the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived Twice crouching in front of him with an actual look of concern on his face.

  
“What do you want, Potter?” Draco managed, albeit without any of his normal spite and haughtiness; breathing in itself hurt too much.

  
“Malfoy, what happened?”

  
Draco forced out a laugh that threatened to transform into a cough.

  
“What does it look like, Potter?”

  
“It looks like you just got assaulted by some stupid fifth years. And it looks like you didn’t even try to fight back. I’d be after them right now if you weren’t in such a bad shape that I’m about to take you to Madam Pomfrey.”

  
“No! Please. Please, don’t. No one needs to know about this.”

  
Harry’s eyebrows raised at the panic written across Draco’s face.

  
“All right. No Madam Pomfrey. But some of that looks kind of serious, you need to get treated for it, or else you’ll—“

  
“Potter,” Draco gasped out, sitting up painfully as he did so, “I’m fine. I’ve had worse.”

  
Unfortunately, that only ended in Harry looking even more concerned.

  
Draco sighed.

  
“Okay. If you really want to help me, let me lean on you while I stand up.”

Harry opened his mouth as if to argue that standing up wasn’t a good idea, but Draco cut him off with a look. It was nice to know that even in pain, he could still control his facial features enough.

  
Harry nodded and offered Draco his hand. It took a bit, and Draco almost collapsed twice, but he was finally standing. Draco leaned against the wall, shifting his weight off of Harry.

  
“Thanks.”

  
It was so quiet, Harry almost missed it, but he caught it. He smiled.

  
“Yeah. ‘Course. Look, if they—or anyone—give you trouble again, I’ll—“

  
“Potter. Please. Stay out of it.”

  
Harry threw his hands up, exasperated.

  
“But-but you weren’t even trying to stop them! Next time, it could be worse, you could be hurt permanently, or even killed!”

  
“Look, Potter, I appreciate your Savior Complex and how it’s helped me, not just now, but in the past, but this is all me. Okay? You have nothing to do with it, so stay out of it.”

  
“Malfoy, why won’t you let me help you?”

  
Draco snapped.

  
“Maybe I don’t want to be helped, okay? Ever thought of that? Maybe I deserve it. Not everyone is redeemable, Potter. Not everyone is Snape. So please, kindly fuck off.”

  
He pushed off the wall and stumbled his way down the corridor, leaving Harry standing still in shock.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: none

At dinner, Harry was staring at the Slytherin table, trying to make out the tell-tale shock of white hair. His efforts being fruitless, he pushed his food around on his plate. He didn’t even notice he was somewhere else, thinking about everything that Malfoy had said, until Ron called him out on it. 

“Mate. You alright?”

Harry cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, ‘course, Ron. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you’ve been pushing your food around on your plate all dinner, looking like someone kicked your puppy.” 

Harry winced, barely noticeably, at the word “kicked.” He had definitely seen a lot of kicking today. 

“Harry,” Hermione added in, softer. “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s going on.”

_ Maybe I don’t want to be helped _ flashed through Harry’s mind. 

“Harry, come on mate, we’re worried about you.”

Harry looked up from his plate at his best friends. 

“It’s just, it’s been less than a month, and all I see in the halls are everyone who died. It’s just a lot.” He felt like a dick for using that excuse, but at least it got Ron and Hermione off his back. 

“Oh, Harry.” Hermione gave him a sad smile and Ron patted his shoulder. “We’re here if you ever need someone to talk to, you know that, right?”

Harry nodded at Hermione. 

“Thanks, ‘mione. I know.”

After that, Harry forced himself to focus on what his friends were talking about, making sure to laugh in all the right places at Dean’s recounting of Seamus’ most recent encounter with explosions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: depression, injuries from abuse/assault

Draco knew it was dinner time, but leaving his bed seemed like too much effort, and he didn’t want Blaise or Pansy asking any questions. Besides, the moment he left the dungeons, the chances that he’d see Potter again increased way too much for his liking. 

Dinner must have passed, although Draco found it impossible to keep track of time when he was in a state like this, because he heard Blaise and Theo enter the dorm. Blaise plopped down on his bed, which was next to Draco’s, while Theo made a beeline for the bathroom. 

“All right, Draco, why don’t you tell me why you weren’t at dinner?”

Draco burrowed further into his blankets and pressed his face into his pillow in response. Blaise must have gathered that from the noises because he sighed, stood up, and yanked Draco’s curtains open. 

“Seriously, Draco, why do you always have to be such a—“

When Blaise trailed off, Draco figured he’d taken in Draco’s state. 

“Salazar, Draco, what happened?”

“You know what,” came the response, muffled by a pillow. 

Blaise set his jaw. 

“It’s worse than it was the last few times. Let me take a look.” Draco managed to shake his head. “Draco, let me take a look, or I’m taking you to Madame Pomfrey.” 

Draco groaned. That was the second time today someone had threatened to take him to Pomfrey. He acquiesced and rolled over. His eyes were closed, but he heard Blaise suck in a breath. 

“All right. Where does it hurt the most?”

“Ribs. Head.”

Blaise nodded and set to work, performing the healing spells he knew and using bandages and ace wraps for what he didn’t. 

“I’m going to get you some ice for your head. Anything else while I’m up?”

“Water.”

Blaise nodded and left the dorm. Draco realized that, at some point, Theo must have come out of the bathroom and gone to the common room because the bathroom door was open, and the dorm was empty. 

Blaise returned soon, Pansy in tow. Blaise handed Draco the water first, which he chugged down, then set the glass aside and pressed the ice to the slight lump on his forehead. Pansy settled in next to Draco and held his hand. Once Draco felt he had the strength to face Pansy, he squeezed her hand and looked up at her. To his surprise, she didn’t look angry. Just, sad. And empathetic. There was no pity in her face, and Draco was thankful for that. 

“Draco, we’ve got to do something about this. I know, I know, but this is getting bad, and next time, Blaise might not be able to help you enough to keep you from serious danger.” Draco let out a breath and relented.

“All right.”

“All right?”

“Yes, all right.”

Pansy smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead. 

“But—“

“Of course there’s a but,” Blaise grumbled.

“Only if or when it’s bad enough that Blaise can’t handle it.” 

Pansy nodded, satisfied with that answer. Blaise seemed satisfied too, because some of the tension in his shoulders disappeared. 

“Get some rest, Draco. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Draco managed a smile and let Pansy leave. Blaise sighed, but didn’t say anything. He merely climbed onto his own bed and opened a book. Draco was glad to let himself slip into unconsciousness, although he couldn’t get the distraught look on Harry’s face when he had pleaded with him.  _ Why won’t you let me help you? _ was the last thing on his mind as he drifted into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: depression, dissociating, brief abuse/assault, old injuries, new injuries, major self-hatred

The next day passed relatively painlessly, aside from the pain from his day-old injuries. Draco managed to avoid Harry’s presence as well as his gaze all day. He even went to dinner with Pansy, Blaise, and Theo. When he collapsed into his bed that night, he thought _ maybe this isn’t so bad after all. _

As it turns out, the universe decided to bite him in the arse for that. 

Five days later, Draco woke up and immediately knew it was going to be one of  _ those _ days. Those days when getting out of bed was a miracle, when he barely managed to trudge through his classes, when he couldn’t even focus on potions, which he loved and excelled at. 

Blaise, Pansy, and Theo all knew pretty much right away when it was one of those days, and they promptly stayed away, just like Draco had asked them to in the past. Unfortunately, his lack of focus on those days usually made him an easy target, and on those days, he rarely made it the day without an altercation. As fate would have it, the same three Gryffindor fifth years from before confronted him again. Draco merely closed his eyes and resigned himself to his fate. 

“Hey, Death Eater,” the leader greeted. “What, you aren’t going to grace us with a response?” 

Draco remained silent. 

“Oh, I see. Life’s a little harder for you now when you lost and Daddy’s in prison, Mommy’s on house arrest, and the only reason you’re even allowed to be here is because they thought it’d be a harsh enough punishment for you. I will say, I think they were right. But you don’t deserve to get off that easy. Nothing will change the fact that that mark is on your arm forever. You chose it, so you deserve this.”

Then, finally, came the first punch. However, there were only a couple more before someone else appeared out of nowhere. 

“Hey! Break it up now!”

The leader turned away from Draco to face the newcomer. 

“Aw, I didn’t know you were a Death Eater sympathizer,” he mocked.

“He’s not a Death Eater,” Harry ground out. “And I just really don’t like bullies. Now piss off. And if you ever come near him again, you’ll have me to deal with too.”

The fifth year’s lip curled in disgust, but he walked away, his two cronies close behind him. As soon as they were out of earshot, Harry let the façade fade. 

“Oh my god, Malfoy, they didn’t hurt you too badly, did they?”

Draco shook his head numbly, unsure if Harry really was there or if he had passed out and was now dreaming. 

“Draco? You don’t look too good.”

If Draco had been in his right mind, he would’ve been shocked out of his trance by the fact that Harry Fucking Potter had just called him “Draco.” As it was, he nodded numbly in agreement. 

“Okay. Don’t be mad at me for this later, but I’m taking you to Pomfrey. I’m really worried about you, okay?”

Draco remained unresponsive the whole way to the hospital wing. At some point, Draco had ended up leaning on Harry to support his weight. Harry didn’t say anything about it; he wrapped an arm around Draco’s waist in response. 

Harry opened the door to the hospital wing and they walked through. Draco seemed to be getting worse; he looked like he might pass out any second. 

“Madam Pomfrey!”

The witch appeared from her office and approached them.

“Mr. Potter, what is this?”

“I-I found him, he was getting beat up, he’s been unresponsive and I’m worried, he seems—“

“All right, Mr. Potter, that’s enough. Help me get him onto a bed.”

They shuffled over to the nearest hospital bed and managed to get Draco on top of it. He immediately passed out. Pomfrey waved her wand over him, running tests. Harry remained by Draco’s side. Pomfrey finished the tests with a deep frown. 

“What? What is it?” 

“Well, he’s been dissociating, which must’ve been brought on by a depressive episode. His ribs are bruised and they’ve been healed improperly, by a novice at healing spells. Other than that, nothing serious; just a good deal of bruises. There is evidence of a concussion, but it has healed fully since. If he’d come to me when these injuries were inflicted—“

“I tried, Madam Pomfrey, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He said he didn’t want anyone to know.”

Pomfrey sighed disapprovingly. 

“All right. I have potions for him to take when he wakes up.”

“I’ll stay,” Harry offered. “I can get you when he wakes up, and that way I’ll be here if he needs me or something.” 

Pomfrey nodded and retreated into her office. Harry found a chair and pulled it close to Draco’s bed, sitting in it. He took Draco’s hand and squeezed it. 

A couple of hours must’ve passed, because Harry woke up, realized he had been asleep, and then saw that it was dark outside. Then he realized why he’d woken up. Draco was awake and staring at him. 

“Potter?” He whispered.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“What—“

“We’re in the hospital wing. You were, um, dissociating? Pomfrey said some of your injuries didn’t heal properly because you wouldn’t let me take you to the hospital wing. I know you told me to stay out of it but I care about you, all right? It’s not just my Savior Complex.” 

Draco stared at him in disbelief. 

“Why?” 

The word came out broken, and Harry wanted nothing more than to hug him, but he didn’t know how Draco would react to that, so he stood up. 

“Um, I’ll go get Pomfrey. She has potions for you to take.”

Draco almost asked him to stay, but thought better of it. That would be selfish. 

Harry returned with Pomfrey, who handed him potions. He swallowed them down obediently. Pomfrey nodded in approval. 

“Mr. Malfoy, you are very fortunate that Mr. Potter brought you to me. If anything like this happens again, you must come see me immediately. That’s an order.”

Draco nodded. Pomfrey softened. 

“All right. Get some rest.” With that, she retreated back into her office. 

“Um, I could leave, or—“

“Stay. Please?” 

Harry beamed. 

“Yeah, all right.”

He sat back down in the chair. For a moment, there was uncomfortable silence. 

“Um, Malfoy?”

“Yes, Potter?”

“I— nothing.”

“What is it, Potter?”

“Well, I was just... I didn’t know that you, y’know, had depression,” he blurted. Draco flinched. 

“I don’t exactly go around flaunting it. It’s bad enough that I’m me, if everyone knew how broken I was...”

“Well, I don’t think it’s bad.”

“What?”

“That you’re not okay. That’s not bad, it’s just. Realistic. You’ve been through a lot.” 

Draco scoffed. 

“I’ve been through a lot? Please. I’m not the one who died.”

Harry’s eyes widened. 

“How did you—“

“My mother.”

“Oh. Right. How is she?”

“Well, she’s on house arrest in a house that reminds her of nothing but the Dark Lord, so. She’s doing just great, thank you.”

Harry cringed. 

“I’m—“

“If you say you’re sorry, I’m going to punch you.” 

Harry sighed. 

“Yeah. It’s just. I wish I could’ve done more. For you and for her. And for—“

“Potter. My father is exactly where he should be. And as for my mother and I, we are grateful that we’re not in Azkaban as well. You’ve done more than enough. You didn’t have to speak at the trial, but you did.”

“No, you don’t get it. I did have to. I couldn’t just stand by and let strangers decide your fate based on things you had no choice in. You’re a good person. I couldn’t let them do that. I had to speak for you, because no one else was going to.”

Draco stiffened and looked away. 

“Look, Malfoy, I am sorry, okay? I know you’ve lost a lot, and I know that you’ve been hurt.”

Draco swallowed and looked Harry in the eye. 

“Potter. I deserve whatever hurt I get. You need to stop concerning yourself with my problems. I’m sure you have better things to do.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I care about you, Malfoy. I’m not going to stop, either, so you might as well let me help you.” 

“Really? After everything I’ve done? After all the pain I’ve caused you and your friends?”

“Malfoy, look, I—“

“Potter, I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I know I’ve fucked up. I know I’ve made mistakes. And I can’t take any of that back, but do you have any idea how much I wish I could? I hate myself for everything I’ve done, don’t you get that? So I’m sorry. For everything. Now please leave me alone.”

“I forgave you a long time ago for all of that. Okay? You need to forgive yourself for it too.” 

Draco searched his face, looking for a lie, but couldn’t find one.

“How? How can you forgive me?”

“Because it wasn’t your fault. I don’t know everything about you, no, but I do know that if I hadn’t had Dumbledore I could’ve just as easily been you. You have to forgive yourself for what you did under Voldemort’s control, under your father’s control.”

Draco sniffed, and Harry realized he was crying. 

“I don’t know how.”

“Then let me help you figure it out.” 

Draco nodded. 

“Okay. But—“

“What?”

“I have one condition.”

“What is it?”

“If we’re going to be—“

“Friends?” Harry offered. 

“Friends,” Draco accepted, “then you have to call me Draco.”

Harry smiled. 

“Only if you call me Harry.”

Draco managed a small smile. 

“All right, Harry.”

Harry shivered at his name on Draco’s lips.

“All right, Draco.”

Draco’s smile grew


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: brief mention of past child abuse, brief self-hatred, mentions of dissociation, implied mention of previous abuse/assault (like barely there), very brief past homophobia

Draco was released from the hospital wing, and Harry walked him back to the dungeons even though it was out of the way for him. When they arrived, Harry cleared his throat. 

“Um, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Draco agreed. “See you tomorrow.” 

Harry grinned and turned, beginning his journey to the Gryffindor Tower. 

Draco sighed in contentedness and entered the common room. Blaise and Pansy were sitting expectantly on the couch, and they were prepared to confront him, but at the happy smile on Draco’s face they exchanged glances. Draco sank into the couch in between them. 

“Hi.”

“Oh, hello, Draco. Where have you been? I was just wondering, as Blaise and I have been worried sick.”

Draco cringed. 

“I’m sorry, Pans. I was in the hospital wing.”

“What?!”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m fine. Pomfrey gave me some potions. It wasn’t serious or anything.”

“If it wasn’t serious, then why the hell were you there?”

Draco glared at Blaise, who held up his hands in a “hey, I’m just saying” gesture. 

“Because. I was dissociating when the fifth years approached me, and Harry found me and ran them off and then took me to Pomfrey. I wasn’t exactly in a state of mind to protest.” 

Pansy and Blaise raised their eyebrows simultaneously. 

“Harry?” Pansy squeaked. 

“Yes, Harry.”

Pansy made an indignant sound, so Draco figured he had to elaborate.

“We talked. He forgives me, and all that. So we’re friends now.”

“What earth are we on?” Blaise said incredulously. Draco glared at him. 

“Come on, don’t act like it’s that hard to believe. He’s too pure for his own good, I bet he’d forgive someone who tried to stab him just on the principle of it.”

Pansy narrowed her eyes and Draco shrunk under her gaze. This was never good. 

“Perhaps, but this is Potter we’re talking about. You know, the guy you’ve been pining after since—“

“Pansy! That’s enough!” Draco snapped. “He’s decided he wants to be friends with me, so I’m going to take that at face value and not ruin it with feelings. I’ll take what I can get from him, thank you very much, and I’m not going to risk our newly formed friendship by telling him that I have a massive crush on him, and have for a while.” 

Pansy sighed, and Draco knew he’d won. 

“Okay. I just don’t want you getting hurt.” Draco scoffed. “You know what I mean. By him. Emotionally. You’ve been through enough.”

_ Yeah _ , Draco thought,  _ I have. I’ve endured countless torture, abuse, and degradation. I’ve lived my whole life hating myself because of Father’s pressure to find a pureblood wife. And I had to live under the same roof as the Dark Lord. Which resulted in my being the test subject for curses in order to keep Father in line. Little did they know, he’d tried out those curses on me himself.  _

Draco sighed and stood. 

“All right. I’m going to sleep. It’s been a long day.” 

Pansy gave him a sympathetic look and Blaise followed him into their dorm. That night, Draco was wracked with nightmares. It was a good thing he had learned how to put up a silencing charm in second year; he didn’t need Blaise worrying about him more than he already did. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of chapter five, picks up right after “Harry grinned and turned, beginning his journey to the Gryffindor Tower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: none

Harry entered the Gryffindor common room, his grin still in place. Hermione and Ron caught him immediately. 

“We were going to yell at you for worrying us, but it seems there are more important questions to ask,” Hermione said. 

“Yeah,” Ron agreed, “like, what’s her name?”

“Her?” Harry asked, genuinely confused. 

“Oh, come on, Harry. You’ve got that look on your face. You know, that helplessly in love look.” Ron explained.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Harry, don’t pretend. We’re your best friends. We know you,” Hermione pointed out. 

Harry sighed. 

“All right, okay. I admit it. I had the ‘helplessly in love look’ on my face when I walked in here. But I’m not telling either of you anything about it.”

“Oh, come on, mate. Is it my sister?”

Harry flushed. 

“No! Ron, come on, I don’t have feelings for Ginny anymore. Besides, she’s with Luna now.”

Ron raised his hands. 

“Okay, okay. If you’re not going to tell us who your new girlfriend is, we’re just going to have to figure it out on our own.” 

Harry sucked in a breath. 

“Look. I know the two of you mean well. But please, stay out of it? We’re not together or anything. We’re just friends. They don’t even know how I feel, and I’m certain they don’t feel the same way. All right?”

Ron opened his mouth, but Hermione stopped him. 

“All right, Harry. We won’t pry into your private life. But if you ever want to talk about it...”

“I know, I know. You’re both here for me. I’m going to bed.”

Ron and Hermione shared a look, but let him know. 

Harry fell into his bed thinking about Draco’s— _ Draco’s _ —smile and the way Draco said his name. It made Harry want to hear nothing else for the rest of his life but Draco saying his name. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: past child abuse, past torture, past self-harm, depression, claustrophobia, eating disorder

Over the next week, Harry and Draco got used to being friends. They met up in the back corner of the library a couple of times a day and talked or joked or teased each other or worked on their assignments. They fell into a comfortable friendship, and Draco started to feel like maybe this wasn’t just a ploy and maybe Harry really did genuinely like spending time with him. Once the rest of Hogwarts realized that Harry Potter was friends with Draco Malfoy, Draco found himself with a lack of people cornering him to assault him. He assumed, rightfully so, that Harry had given all of Gryffindor a big talking-to, and the word had spread to the other houses: don’t mess with Draco Malfoy unless you want to face Harry Potter. 

On Friday, Hermione and Ron confronted Harry. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were spending time with Malfoy?” Hermione demanded. 

_ Oh, so straight to the point _ , Harry thought. 

“Because it’s none of your business.”

“It is if we think you’re going to get hurt,” Hermione insisted. 

“What?” Harry asked, shocked at what she was implying.

“Look, mate, are you really sure that spending time with Malfoy is a good idea? I mean, have you forgotten the last, what, seven years?”

Harry glared at Ron. 

“Draco has changed. I’ve forgiven him for everything because he deserves to be forgiven. He’s not going to hurt me. He’s a good person.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Ron asked incredulously. “And when did Malfoy become Draco?”

“When we became friends.”

Ron opened his mouth, but Hermione stopped him. 

“Okay, Harry. If he’s your friend and he really has changed, then we’ll try too. We’re not going to stop you from spending time with him. We’re just a little hurt that you didn’t tell us.”

Harry huffed. 

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you both wouldn’t be able to see him like I do.”

Hermione raised her hands placatingly. 

“That’s fair.”

Harry nodded sharply. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go spend time with Draco, my friend.”

Harry walked away from them, feeling only slightly guilty at how he’d snapped at them. He arrived at his and Draco’s table and sank into a chair and groaned. 

Draco’s eyebrows scrunched together in concern. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Ron and Hermione confronted me about you.” Draco stiffened. 

“Oh.”

“It’s all right, I convinced them that you’re not secretly plotting my murder.”

Draco smirked. 

“Are you sure about that?” He joked lightly. Harry merely huffed in response, which made Draco concerned. “Want to talk about it?”

Harry shook his head. Then he huffed. 

“It’s just, they’re my best friends, and they’ve always been there, and I don’t want them to be angry at me or be suspicious of you. Which makes me angry at them, so I snapped at them, but they didn’t deserve that. I should’ve told them we were friends after that first night.”

Draco stiffened. 

“They didn’t know we were friends?”

Harry shook his head. 

“Do Pansy and Blaise know?”

“Of course they know. I told them as soon as it happened.” 

Harry turned to Draco, apologetic. 

“It’s complicated. They don’t know you like I do.” 

Draco nodded, releasing his tension. 

“I understand. I should talk to them. Apologize.”

Harry shook his head. 

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do. I did and said some pretty terrible things to Granger and Weasley, and I should at least try to apologize. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I’m scared they’ll think I don’t mean it. I do mean it. I feel horrible for how I treated them.”

Harry’s eyes softened and he took Draco’s hand. 

“I know. Just tell them that, and I’m sure they’ll understand. They’re not bad people.”

Draco nodded. 

“I know that.”

They settled into a comfortable silence until Draco cleared his throat. 

“There’s, um, some things about me that you don’t know.”

“I know. There’s things about me you don’t know either.”

Draco nodded. 

“It’s just, I figure if you’re risking your friendship with Granger and Weasley, I should tell you. You deserve to know.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Harry reminded him. 

“I know. I want to.”

“Okay. Whenever you’re ready.” Harry squeezed his hand and Draco nodded. 

“My father, um, wasn’t the best father.” Harry rubbed circles on the back of his hand in encouragement. “He, um, abused me. A lot. Sometimes it was with, y’know, his hands or his cane, but sometimes he used his wand. The, uh, the verbal abuse was less obvious, but Pansy and Blaise helped me realize that that’s what that was. I, um, I have scars. A lot of them. Some are from him, but others, um, are from when the, um, Dark Lord was, y’know, living with us.” Harry continued to rub circles on his hand as Draco took a shaky breath. “Some are from Him. Some are from the others. The, um, other Death Eaters. But, um, some aren’t. And, um, you should see those.” 

Harry squeezed his hand. 

“You don’t have to show me.”

“I know. But I want to.”

Draco let go of Harry’s hand and started rolling up his sleeve. His left sleeve. His hands were shaking, but he kept going until it was rolled up to his elbow. Harry sucked in a breath at what he saw, but reminded himself to breathe and stay calm; Draco needed him to support him. 

“I, um, I didn’t want it. I know you know that. But I, um, I tried to get it off. I tried to use magic, and I tried to, well, you can see. Especially after. Once he was dead. I just wanted it gone.”

Harry stared at the faded Dark Mark and the scars that littered it. There were scars around it, on top of it, everywhere. Harry’s heart hurt, knowing that Draco had hurt himself so much. 

“Can I?” Harry asked, his hand hovering. Draco nodded. Harry carefully touched Draco’s arm. He shivered underneath his touch. Harry traced the scars and the Dark Mark.

“Draco. I want you to know that when I look at you, I don’t see this. All I see is you.” 

Draco gasped and let the tears fall. Harry reached up with his other hand and brushed them away. He hesitated, unsure if he’d be overstepping a boundary, but decided  _ fuck it, he needs to know this isn’t ugly or bad or makes him worthless _ and lightly kissed the scars. Draco trembled as he did so. Harry stared into his eyes. 

“I’m so proud of you, Draco, for being strong. You’ve been so strong. You’ve made it. You’ve made it through everything. And I’m really glad you did.” 

Draco choked back a sob and Harry reached forward and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” Draco whispered. 

“No, thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me.” 

Draco nodded and sniffed as Harry pulled back.

“I have something I want to share with you too.”

Draco nodded. Harry took a breath.

“Okay. After my parents died, my muggle Aunt and Uncle took me in. They, um, hated magic. They hated me. They abused me pretty badly for a while, until the Weasleys took me in once they knew how bad it was. They, um, I slept in a cupboard. Under the stairs. For a long time. And when Dumbledore bullied them into treating me better, they let me have an actual room, but they put bars on the windows. They, um, starved me. They made me cook for them and wouldn’t let me eat. I was lucky if I got leftovers. And, um, my cousin, they, um, they treated him like he was perfect. Like he could do no wrong. And they treated me like I was dirt. Like I was less than dirt. So, um, I’m claustrophobic now. And I have an eating disorder, but I’ve been getting better about it. Not, um, not a lot of people know that about me. Ron and Hermione know, but that’s about it.” 

Draco fixed him with a soft, understanding, gaze.

“Thank you for telling me that.”

Harry nodded. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough heavy stuff for today. What are you doing for the first Hogsmeade weekend?”

Draco laughed softly, but rolled with the subject change.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: f slur (once), self-hatred, brief internalized homophobia

It was a Wednesday when Draco realized he was in love with Harry. They’d been in their usual spot in the library, and they were talking about everything and nothing. Draco had said something that had made Harry laugh, and it was then that Draco realized he was fucked. He was fucked because he was in love with Harry Potter, and his laugh, and his stupid glasses, and his wonderful hair, and his green, green eyes. He was in love with Harry Potter. Draco shut down and mumbled an apology before he raced out of the library and to his dorm. He pressed his face into his pillow and screamed and cried until Blaise got fed up with him and yanked his curtains open. 

“Okay, Draco, what’s wrong?”

“I fucking fell in love, that’s what’s wrong.”

Blaise sighed. 

“Look, you knew from the beginning that this would happen.”

“No, I didn’t,” Draco protested. “I didn’t know I’d fall in fucking love with him. Having a crush and pining after someone who hates you is completely different from falling in love with your friend who knows more about you than almost anyone else.”

Blaise sighed. 

“You could tell him.”

Draco laughed, a bitter, self-deprecating thing. 

“And what? Lose his friendship forever? Have him go back to hating me because he could forgive me for being a Death Eater, but everyone knows that fucking faggots are—“

“Draco Malfoy. Stop it. You know that Potter wouldn’t think that. He may not reciprocate your feelings, but you know he’s too good of a person to think that about you. If you tell him, it would be awkward, but you’d both get over it and go back to being friends. That’s common sense. Don’t let your depression and self-hatred make you think the worst.”

Draco sniffed. 

“Okay. I’ll tell him.”

Blaise patted him on the shoulder. 

“There you go. Now, no more crying over Harry Potter. I have some chocolate frogs left over from the last trip to Hogsmeade.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: anxiety over coming out (sort of)

“He’s avoiding me,” Harry stated as he collapsed into the couch. Ron and Hermione took pity on him.

“You don’t know that,” Hermione offered as they sat down on either side of him. 

“Yeah, I do. He hasn’t been to our spot in the library since three days ago when he up and bolted away from me for no reason. He’s taking the longer routes to class so we don’t pass each other. And he won’t look at me in the classes we share.”

“I’d accuse you of being a stalker if we didn’t already know that,” Ron commented. Harry glared at him. 

“Come on, mate, deny you’re using the Map to find him like you did in sixth year.”

Harry said nothing. 

“That’s what I thought.”

“I just wish he’d talk to me. I thought he’d trust me enough to by now.”

“Maybe it’s not something you can help with,” Hermione offered. Harry shook his head. 

“He should at least let me try.”

Hermione bit her lip. 

“Harry, why are you so upset about Malfoy avoiding you?”

“Because-because we’re friends! Friends don’t avoid each other! They talk to each other and let each other help because they trust each other and they’d do anything for each other!”

“Harry,” Hermione said gently, “are you sure the two of you are just friends?”

“Wh-what?”

“You can’t deny that you’ve been much happier since the two of you became friends. You’ve been practically glowing. I haven’t seen you like that since—“

“Since you and Ginny first got together,” Ron finished. 

Harry groaned. 

“This isn’t how I wanted to come out to you two.”

“We kind of already knew.”

“What?!”

“Well, the way you were looking at Cedric Diggory in fourth year—“

“Okay, okay, I get it ‘mione. It’s obvious I’m a bisexual disaster. Now what do I do about Draco?”

“Talk to him.”

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do?”

“Keep trying. He can’t avoid you forever. Just tell him how you feel, and then go from there. Worst-case scenario, he avoids you again.”

Harry nodded. 

“You’re brilliant, ‘mione. What would I do without you?”

Hermione shrugged.

“Go get your man.”

“Yeah, go get your man,” Ron added. 

Harry smiled his thanks and pulled out the Marauder’s Map.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: none

Draco decided to give in. He went to the library and sat at their table and waited for Harry to show up. He replayed in his head the different ways he could say it, unable to decide on one. 

Sure enough, Harry showed up not long after Draco had arrived, and sat tentatively in a chair. 

“You’re not going to run away from me, are you?” He asked. 

Draco shook his head. 

“No. At least, not yet. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve been avoiding you?” Harry nodded. “Well, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Me too,” Harry said, as anxious as Draco was. Draco bit his lip. 

“Well, you can go first, if you want...”

“No, you go first.”

Draco nodded and sucked in a breath. 

“Okay. I’ve been avoiding you because I realized something. Um, first of all, I’m gay. Have been for a while. I’ve had a crush on you for a while too, but the other day, I, uh. I kind of realized I’m maybe a little bit in-love-with-you.” He said the last part in a rush. 

Harry beamed. 

“Oh, thank God.” Draco looked up at him, confused. “I’m bi. I just came out to Hermione and Ron. And I’m also in love with you.” 

Draco’s jaw dropped. 

“What?”

“I’m in love with you, Draco Malfoy.”

Harry leaned forward.

“Now, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”

Draco’s jaw worked, but he couldn’t say anything, no matter how hard he tried. Instead, he leaned forward and captured Harry’s lips in a bruising kiss. When they eventually parted for air, Harry let out a breathy laugh. 

“I’m taking it that’s a yes?”

“Yes, yes,  _ yes _ ,” Draco emphasized, pulling Harry in for another kiss. Harry happily obliged.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mentions of past control, mentions of coming out and how that could have negative reactions, brief mentions of self-blaming

It was a beautiful day at Hogwarts, so Harry and Draco took advantage of it, sitting outside underneath a tree. Draco’s head was in Harry’s lap, Harry running his fingers through Draco’s hair.

“Harry?” 

“Hm?”

“What do you want to do after Hogwarts?”

Graduation was only a couple of weeks away, and the future had been a grey cloud taunting them from above. 

“Well, everyone expects me to be an Auror. Head Auror Robards already sent me a letter saying I had a position in the force if I wanted it.”

Draco hummed. 

“But what do  _ you _ want to do?”

Harry sighed. 

“Honestly? I’ve no clue. All I know is I don’t want to be an Auror. I’ve done enough fighting to last me a lifetime. I don’t ever want to fight again.”

Draco hummed. 

“I thought so. What about teaching?”

“What  _ about _ teaching?” Harry asked, confused. 

“Well, you love Hogwarts. It’s your home, despite the ghosts. And I remember hearing something about how great of a teacher you were with Dumbledore’s Army.”

Harry laughed. 

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Hermione.”

Harry shook his head.

“I should’ve known.”

“Honestly, though, Harry, you were amazing then. You’d be a great DADA professor. And the curse wouldn’t apply to you.”

Harry snorted. 

“Yeah, I’m basically a human curse-repellant.” 

Draco sat up so he could look at Harry full in the face. 

“Harry. I want you to do what makes you happy. You’ve spent enough of your life doing what others expect of you. It’s time you did something for yourself. So if you want to be a painter, or a professional yodeler, or a teacher at Hogwarts, do it.”

Harry sighed and caressed Draco’s cheek. 

“What’d I do to deserve you?”

Draco blushed and shrugged. 

“All right. You’re right, I really did enjoy teaching Dumbledore’s Army. I’ll talk to McGonagall about DADA.”

Draco nodded, satisfied. 

“What about you, though? What are you going to do?”

Draco tilted his head, thinking. 

“Part of me feels like I need to be a curse-breaker or a Healer, or something to make up for everything.”

“You know you have nothing to make up for.”

“I know. That’s why the other part of me wants to be a Potions Master. I’ve always loved potions, and it used to be my dream to be a Potions Master. Then my father crushed that dream by saying that Malfoys weren’t Potions Masters, they were social elites. But now he’s gone and he doesn’t have a fucking say in what I do. And Mother just wants me to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy, too.”

Draco smiled. 

“You make me happy, Harry. It’s just, I don’t think they’d let me.”

“What?”

“Everyone still sees me as a Death Eater, and I don’t know how I’d get a position in potions with the Mark on my arm.”

Harry smiled sadly. 

“I understand. If it helps, I’ll have an interview with the Prophet and tell them all about what an amazing boyfriend you are and how you’re so sweet and soft.” 

Draco scoffed.

“I’d rather not get death threats and accusations of using a love potion on you, thank you very much.”

Harry smiled. 

“I know. We’ll talk to McGonagall together. I’m sure she has connections and can find you something in potions.”

Draco smiled.

“Yeah. No one says no to McGonagall.”

Harry laughed softly, but his eyes turned sad. 

“What?”

“It’s just, a part of me wants to say ‘fuck you’ to the world and go to the Prophet and say you’re my boyfriend whether they like it or not. But another part of me knows what the public backlash would be and I don’t want to hurt you in any way, even indirectly.”

Draco nodded. 

“I feel that way too. I’m proud to be your boyfriend, I don’t want to hide that.”

Harry nodded. 

“The important people know,” Draco reminded him. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

They’d told the Weasleys at Christmas and Draco’s mother a few days later. They’d all been varying degrees of surprised, but all supportive. 

“Okay. I’m okay with being your boyfriend but not shouting it to the world but not exactly hiding it either.”

Draco nodded. 

“I’m okay with that too. Let people talk. We don’t have to confirm or deny rumors.” 

Harry nodded. 

“I like that.”

Draco smirked. 

“I like that too.”

“However,” Harry started. 

“What?”

“If we ever get married, we’ll have to make an announcement.”

Draco’s smirk softened into a smile. 

“Yeah. I’m okay with that.”

Harry beamed and pulled him in for a kiss. 

“I love you, Draco,” he murmured against his lips. 

“I love you too, Harry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that’s it! Come say hi on tumblr, @lafleurasexuee!! Wow, my first fic!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m on tumblr with the same name, lafleurasexuee. Come say hi!


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